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* * *
While we have ideals of living at-peace with others, even everyone, these are ideals. We hold, rightly, an aspiration for harmony with all, always. Yet, we need to be realistic, which is being wise, including we will not live at-peace with some persons. The important matter is that we do not choose antagonism toward anyone. Not being at-peace does not mean we have to go-to-war. We can prayerfully be receptive to inner peace, so that we are not aligned with another in warring attitudes or actions.
Aside from this, we may know in advance that we do not need to offer this sharing of peace with another. We may be aware wisely to remain at a distance, to be careful. Being careful is not being weak. We do not owe peace to anyone who is not receptive to peace. Possibly, our peace witness to him or her is our remaining in-peace, not acting with a moralistic or idealistic felt-need to work toward a peaceful relationship. Sometimes, we may have to settle for a workable relationship or no relationship.
* * *
I do not know why, only can speculate, but she was very angry with me, better at me. In conversations on the phone, she was always on the attack, seething with only what I can call hate. Hospice professionals know angry treatment is part of the job, and this can be an expression of the hurt of a loved one dying, but this had an intensity I had never faced either as a pastor or chaplain. She denied me a visit and complained to the hospice leadership about me. We could not, the hospice leadership or I, explain why this woman was so angry at me. I was, wisely, informed another chaplain would be brought in from another office to make the visit; in this the hospice acted with wisdom and compassion, both for the family and this chaplain. A social worker and he visited to the reception of religious symbols all over the home, and the wife sternly pointing where for them to sit at a table, and a cold sharing, both being glad to leave when leaving time came. What I could not reconcile was the apparent devotion of her husband and she to Christ, which to me represented love and kindness, as I had learned from my childhood. Yet, this couple were fundamentalist in faith, and apparently saw a hospice chaplain as a threat in some way, or simply an unwanted nuisance. Again, we can move away calmly from the striking out of others, knowing we are not responsible for the response to our presence or to Grace. Simply move on, prayerfully, and this moving on is itself the marriage of wisdom and compassion.
* * *
See, peace is not what we do, despite the common use of "peace-making." Peace is a gift, a grace, and to live in-peace is a matter of the coming together of the freedom of two or more, and harmony cannot exist unless it is freely chosen. Otherwise, we get a pseudo-community, a facade, not something real.
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